During the last several months, it seems as if there have been an enormous number of deaths. I would venture to say that everyone reading this message has been impacted in some way by death, be it a close relative, friend or associate. With that being said, I surmise that lots of people are hurting and grieving.

The first point I wish to make about grief is that everyone grieves differently and at different times after the loss of a loved one. Some people can regroup and move on with their lives without too much agony. Others may have delayed grief. The person who thought that after the funeral was over, they would be able to cope and move on, but the truth of the matter is that months have passed and the feeling of sadness has not changed. Let’s be honest with ourselves, for it may be years from now and you are still grieving. What we must realize is that there is no time limit on the season of grief. Individuals must take their time even though family and friends may make comments like, “Time heals all wounds.” My response to that is maybe and maybe not. It depends on the individual and the mechanisms they put in place to press forward. What I do know is that you can not rush to find the relief you are looking for.  

The second point I wish to make is that I am no expert on grief, but what I am is a witness to the many recent deaths and the aftereffects it has on loved ones. What I hope to accomplish in this message is to bring forth something that may bring about a little relief and comfort during your time of sadness.

When we are in conversation with persons who have lost loved ones, let us not ask that question that causes the griever to tremble, “How are you feeling? I have learned to ask the question, “How is your faith?” Asking a person how they feel will probably make the griever feel worse, for how should we expect a person to feel after losing a child, spouse, parent, etc. A statement that we should never use is, “I know how you feel.” Even if you have lost a person in the same category, you do not know how the mourner feels. Their situation may be entirely different than yours.    

One suggestion I will make is that we not make hasty decisions after the loved one has passed. Take your time in moving clothes, furniture, changing your voice mail message, etc. There are some business matters that must be taken care of right away, but do not be pressured into making hasty irrational decisions. There should be an attempt to keep the stress level down as much as possible. If it seems as if you are getting very little accomplished, so be it and stop worrying. Take your time.

I have heard comments from persons who have lost a spouse say, “I knew my life would never be the same again, but I did not know it would have this type of impact on me.” There are some new responsibilities that will have to be mastered, and with God’s help you will be able to make that adjustment.  

Take time to make the necessary adjustments, for healing will come only when you are ready for it. On the flip side, I have heard statements like, “My husband would want me to pick up the pieces and keep it moving. Now that does not mean she was not grieving, it simply meant that she was determined to embrace a new life of independence. This same wife also indicated that she had lost a husband and was going to do all in her power to ensure her children and grandchildren did not lose a father and a mother. 

It is my hope and prayer that you may find some solace in relying on your faith. Walking with God through your grief will without doubt, deepen and increase your faith.  May these words from the psalmist give you strength and new hope: “Teach me the way I should go. Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me, or I shall be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning, for in you I put my trust. Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:7,8  

There are probably days in which the lamenter feels like their spirits have been shattered. Yet, there are days that coping with death is not so bad. What we must do as I heard someone say, “Learn to be a “creative survivor.” 

Lastly, this subject is of utmost importance at a time such as this. More to come.

Just my thoughts!

Robert Earl Slade, Pastor